By: Maryanne Comaroto March 10, 2011
Like everything else, relationships go through cycles and phases…sometimes relationships face really long, long, harsh, lonely droughts, or painfully drawn-out intense periods, or perhaps you’re currently enjoying the “pink cloud” effect of a new love! Wherever you find yourself, I am here to help you get ready for Spring, the time to come out of the darkness into the light, renew, fluff up, or just take yourself in a fresh direction! Here’s your checklist so you can get started right away.
Relationships of the romantic kind typically fall into three categories: ME, THEM and WE.
Part 1: ME. (This means YOU.)
Like I always say, great relationships begin within, which means there is no WE without me (YOU). Best to take a look at where we are at with ourselves first!
1. Do you have a daily spiritual practice? Self-inquiry? Meditation? Therapy? Yoga, a moving meditation of some kind? My favorite is my SHOMI® method, a body-centered practice of self-inquiry (click HERE https://www.maryannelive.com/products/cds/shop.product_details/3/flypage.tpl/2.html to get your copy of Thrive now).
2. How’s your self-esteem and self-worth? Scale of 1-10. Clue: check in with the last few people you’ve dated and ask yourself what they would say about you, good and bad, and compare it to how you feel about yourself. The results will reflect to you what areas you need to work on, i.e., neediness, jealousy, control, domination. Self-Love RX: Give that very thing to yourself, or feel, heal, and deal with whatever stands in the way!
3. How’s your psychological and mental health? Are you happy and sound? Depressed, anxious? Need therapy or to go back on medication?
4. How’s your relationship with your sexuality? Do you feel good about yourself sexually speaking? How about the opposite sex or preference? Do you like sex? Want more or less? Need to heal some past stories or painful traumas or unresolved issues?
5. How’s your health and wellness? Do you have a fitness and diet regimen? Listen to your body? Do you drink heavily, use drugs? Smoke, on meds? Are you at your ideal healthy weight? When was the last time you had your annuals: physical, blood work, mammogram, gyno, etc? Do you go to the dentist regularly?
6. Are you self-sustaining? How are your finances and credit? Do you have a steady income? Do you have a career? A five-year plan? Do you need some additional training, or have you finished school? Do you own a home, have a stable place to live?
7. What’s your purpose? What do you stand for? What are your special gifts and talents? What are you passionate about? How much time do you devote to service?
I know the list seems like a lot but, if you think about it, it’s nowhere near the list you have to screen potential partners! Which brings me to my next point: so many of us have a tall list of things we want but fail to really look at what we are actually bringing to the party! Here’s a secret: If you attend to the first list, the list you’re about to make will be exponentially easier to manifest!! It’s a physics law you probably know well by now. It’s called the Law of Attraction. Why, if you haven’t attended to yourself, would you expect someone else to have themselves together? Please don’t bother trying to fake it; in the end we all reveal what’s true, or end up destroying a relationship because we can’t keep up what’s fake! So, to re-cap: Take stock, check in, check it off or chuck it! Then up your self-love and self-care régime accordingly! NEXT…
Part 2: THEM. (The person you want to be with, have been with, or are with now; simply change the tense to suit your purposes if you are in a relationship now.)
1. What do you want? What kind of person do you want to be with? Do you believe you are worthy of this person (If not, GO BACK to Part 1.)
2. Have you made your list? What are your non-negotiables? Preferences? Likes, dislikes? What are their values, interests, temperament, spiritual inclination, personality traits, etc. Pull out all the stops! (Don’t forget, though, to double-check if what you want you are? Helps keep you honest and in choice rather than need!)
3. Have you cleaned up and cleared away your past relationship baggage? Healed old wounds? Made amends? Paid back debts? Or collected things that are due you? Including your POWER!
4. Do you need to forgive someone or yourself? People who you felt hurt or betrayed you?
Part 3: WE: What are you willing to do about creating this relationship? (This is the part where you decide together how the relationship is going to be.)
1. Do you have a relationship plan? A relationship toolbelt? Tools and skills that will help you make this a sustainable and healthy one?
2. Have you done your due diligence? Taken care to make sure this person is who they say they are, does what they say they will? Have you done a background check?
3. How willing are you to take responsibility for your own happiness?
4. How responsibly do you communicate? Are you a blamer or a victim? Are you a control freak? How will you negotiate difficult or emotional situations or issues?
5. Do you know how to make consciousness agreements? Agreements that set the relationship up to succeed. Will you agree to therapy if things get tough? Will you marry, live together? Share finances? Who will work? What about children? If something happens, how will you support each other?
6. Do you respect and trust each other? If not, why? How can you heal it…or can you?
7. Are you committed to each other’s growth first and foremost and under all circumstances, even the dark nights of the soul, illness, menopause, miscarriage, loss of job, libido, hair, beauty?
8. Under what circumstances will you leave? SAY IT, better now than later!
In case you want more support with this process, check out my website, www.maryannelive.com. Blessings on your journey!
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